My Relationship with Alcohol: Finding Comfort in Discomfort

The Social Dance: An Introvert’s Perspective

As someone who identifies as shy and introverted, I’ve always found social situations challenging, especially when meeting new people. The awkward silences, the pressure to make small talk, and the constant feeling of being “on” can be overwhelming. Like many others, I discovered that alcohol could serve as a social lubricant, seemingly making these interactions smoother and more manageable.

The Illusion of Liquid Courage

But here’s the thing about using alcohol as a social crutch - it rarely works as intended. Most nights, I remain my normal self, just with the added bonus of a hangover the next day. The “liquid courage” that alcohol promises often feels more like a myth than reality. Instead of enhancing my social abilities, it merely adds a layer of complexity to navigate.

Embracing the Discomfort

Recently, I’ve been contemplating a different approach: what if, instead of trying to numb these uncomfortable sensations with alcohol, I learned to embrace them? Maybe the discomfort itself isn’t the enemy, but rather my reaction to it. This shift in perspective has led me to some important realizations:

1. Authenticity Over Alteration: I don’t need alcohol to be the best version of myself. If people only like me when I’m drunk, do they really like me at all?

2. Selective Social Settings: I’ve learned that I can stick to social events that actually align with my preferences - like having meaningful conversations with close friends in quieter settings, rather than forcing myself into high-energy club environments.

3. The Purpose of Alcohol: I’ve noticed that I sometimes use alcohol to “get in the mood” for social situations. But is this really serving me well? Or am I just masking my natural inclinations?

A Non-Scientific Framework: The Four Moods

When it comes to alcohol’s effects on my state of mind, I’ve observed a pattern that I call the “Four Moods”:

• Bad: When alcohol amplifies rather than alleviates social anxiety
• Okay: The baseline state where little changes
• Good: A sweet spot of mild social lubrication
• Euphoric: The rare occasions of heightened social comfort

The interesting part? Alcohol usually just moves me up one step - and not always in a positive direction. This realization has helped me question whether the potential benefits outweigh the consistent downsides.

Watch My Journey with Alcohol

In this video, I share more detailed insights about my relationship with alcohol and how it intersects with social anxiety.

Finding My Own Path

Through this journey of self-reflection, I’ve come to understand that my relationship with alcohol isn’t just about drinking - it’s about self-acceptance and finding comfort in my authentic self. Here’s what I’m learning to embrace:

1. Natural Social Preferences: It’s okay to enjoy quieter, more intimate social settings over large gatherings
2. Authentic Interactions: Having genuine conversations with a few close friends often feels more fulfilling than superficial interactions in larger groups
3. Personal Boundaries: Setting limits on social engagements and being selective about where I spend my energy
4. Self-Acceptance: Embracing my introverted nature rather than trying to conform to extroverted ideals

Moving Forward

As I continue to navigate this relationship with alcohol and social situations, I’m focusing on building genuine connections and creating environments where I can thrive naturally. This doesn’t mean completely avoiding alcohol or social situations that push me out of my comfort zone. Rather, it’s about making conscious choices that align with who I am and who I want to be.

The journey isn’t about achieving perfection in social situations or completely eliminating alcohol from my life. Instead, it’s about finding a balanced approach that honors both my natural tendencies and my desire for meaningful connections. Sometimes, that might mean embracing the awkwardness of sober social interactions. Other times, it might mean enjoying a drink in moderation while staying true to myself.

What I’ve learned most importantly is that the best version of myself isn’t found at the bottom of a glass - it’s found in the courage to be authentically me, regardless of the social setting or circumstances.